I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
organizing the empties. That sober.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
