the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
