I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
