the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
