I queefed so loud it echoed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
