What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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