its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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