She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
