Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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