So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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