literally had 100 drinks last night.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
