And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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