mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
