kristin has been a bad kristin
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
