He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
