Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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