All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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