new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
