that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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