I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
