Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
