I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
