i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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