Don't make out with my wife yet
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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