This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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