Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Acid is not a monday night drug
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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