Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
