I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
