i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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