i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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