I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
