ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
