Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
