Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
