Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
