I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
