I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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