but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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