We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize