he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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