I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
