I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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