Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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