He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize