Yo dont text me then not text me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
