Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
