I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
