i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize