will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
