I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
