I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
