Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
MIDGETS
????
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
