It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
