My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
