Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize