she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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