I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
