Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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