If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
