battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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