I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
