i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize