I love having hate sex.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
