So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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