I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
