Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
