Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
