we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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