I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
