I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
