i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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