i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
