Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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