mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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