party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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