He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
