dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
